This week have been a tough week for me...there's 3 things that really almost make me change....luckily I didn't..
Take 1
I've been to the education fair to look for information about what I should study in the future...when I almost make my decision, I face another crisis....my family cannot actually afford a college for me and how will my family's finance be when I reach a private university...I am taken back and reconsider...at last, i'm forced to choose the choice...my last choice form 6...I dunno why I dun like form 6 so much...before this i look up on my sister who manage to study quite well, after a friend start to convince me with college studies...I start to look forward to be in a college...it just one step ahead and i'm pulled down...it feels like a dream being broken into pieces...maybe I shouldn't dream at all...after all, I always face reality....dreaming is not ME
Take 2
My parents asked me not to waste my 5 month long holiday after I decided to pursuit form 6...I really hope I can stay still as whenever I saw advertisement about college university, pre-u programme...I have a hard time to stabilize my mood...haiz, my parents asked me to go find for a job just to get experience and hardship of working...I asked 2 friends who have been working to help me with it and they say there still place at their working place which is famous among us friends..so I decide to take it, they say they will help me with the register and will contact me if there's anything I need 2 do...I really believe them so much I let them to process everything as i'm so inexperience...after a few days...I only met them at the basketball court, when I try to contact them, I cant get them to tell me how the progress going on...Nate, I dun hope u r right...I really hope they are my friends...you advised me not to believe them too much...always rely on myself...maybe u are right...but I really dun hope so...still, I hope to get my job and dun wanna lose this friendship
Take 3
I have a friend who I like very much...of course she is a female...she is a cosplayer, before she is being popular* we are really close, we have so much topics and love to crap around....since she begin to raise her fame, I felt like a company...no...not even a company...not even worth to hold her bags and stand by her side....I also dunno where is this overwhelming feel came from but I just feel like i'm more tiny than ever...Now I feel cosplayer are some god to be worship and we the person who like the cosplayer act as a worshipper...as they raise their popularity, we are still the same...If only I can cosplay...but i'm not allow, cosplaying require money...and I dunno how people say its not a waste of money to do something u interested...somehow, I am so far away from her now..doesn't chat too much with her even I know she is online...not we are out of topic...is i'm out of her topic as well...
In the end, these really ruin my week..I think its ruining my entire month as well...I dunno how to face people...particularly THEM....I did not talk bad about them at the back...I also can't just go to their face to tell them...I dun want them to hate me as this is my problem...solely..., but I'm just a normal person....and I never able to withstand things so easily..I have to express it to something or someone...but now, I just can't believe anyone...even my sister peek into my facebook a moment ago....haiz...I dun normally hate someone for doing something bad to me....I just laugh and say 'its alright' as it doesn't hurt me physically and our friendship....mentally its contributing to the injury....I dunno what else to say....today I suppose to post something relate to something I planned to do but I dun think it suits my feeling now...I also suppose to start writing this year's summary and 2013's resolution, but I bet I will do it later....I dun wan to conclude 2012 with unhappy feelings....I feel like there's a revengeful urge in myself now...I just want to be the dumb dumb 'its alright' guy even friends asked me not to trust people easily or ask me dun be so childish...its alright...I just want the friendship remains...
Few Times Desperator,
Rayson
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